She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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