my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
