hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
