Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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