cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
