Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
