Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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