what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
