Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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