R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
