She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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