we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
