bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
