also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
