You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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