i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
