my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
