i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize