A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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