i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
