you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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