I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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