i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize