He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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