is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
