do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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