you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they need to just BURY HIM!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
