I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I bet he comes in French.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
