i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am midnight drunk by noon
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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