I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
