Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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