Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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