I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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