Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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