i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
