I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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