some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
