i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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