one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
