Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His nipple licking is glorious
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
