i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
