so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
