i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
