Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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