Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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