you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
