We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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