her vagine was all disorganized.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
