You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
