I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
