We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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