i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
