i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
