im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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