he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
