i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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