If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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