Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
