We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
