I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
