you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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