My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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