i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize