HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
