nut hugger
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cut my penus on the lid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
