You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
