sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
