I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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