You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
