dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
