my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
