i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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