Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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