he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
